


When It All  Crashes Down

by spacegirlstuff



Series: Supernatural Season 15 Codas [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Coda, Crying Dean Winchester, Dead Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, I did it again, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester Bonding, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Why cant i just stop???, ahhhhhhhhh, post episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27472678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegirlstuff/pseuds/spacegirlstuff
Summary: “Do you think that I don’t know what you are feeling now?” Sam ignored the boy, “Do you think that you have it worse? Because if you forgot,I lost Eileen, Dean!”“Well, I lost freaking Cas, Sam!” Dean yelled at him.“Yeah,” Sam said, “But that’sdifferent!”“Yeah, it’s different,” Dean said in an icy tone, hate filling his eyes as he looked at his younger brother, “You got to tell her you love her, I didn’t.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: Supernatural Season 15 Codas [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003515
Comments: 14
Kudos: 224





	When It All  Crashes Down

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning: Spoilers!!!!!!**  
>  You can read my two other codas for 15x18 [The Truth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27432304) and [The One Who was Left Behind](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450283) before this one because that is the sequence in which all the events take place or you can just read this one as a stand alone fic.  
> So... I stayed up all night all over again and wrote this and... I literally think that I might start a new series with the title _I stayed up all night writing this, again._  
>  I just hope you like it.

Sam took a sharp turn, the back tires screeching as he narrowly avoided crashing onto one of the many abandoned cars present in the middle of the highway. Driving at a speed of more than a hundred kilometers per hour, they rushed past the trees, hardly footy-five minutes away from the bunker. 

“Did he pick up?” Sam asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

“No,” Jack answered, the worry clear in his voice, “Cas’ phone is still unreachable and Dean’s just keeps ringing.”

“Keep trying,” Sam said.

Jack hummed in answer, his fingers flying over the screen, as he called Dean for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

Both of them stayed quiet, not once bringing up the fact that they hadn’t seen a single human or animal ever since they had been on the road. They did not know what Billie was doing or why she had killed every animal except for him and jack but right now, he had much more important things to worry about. He would fret about the world later, after he found Dean and Cas, they would figure something out, but for now, saving the world was the last thing on his mind.

Neither of them had had any contact with him or Jack ever since they had separated, and the fear that something had happened to them was eating him alive. He could not bear the thought of losing either of them, not again, not after Eileen, not after Charlie, not after Bobby. 

“Sam,” Jack said, his gaze fixed on the hunter, “Do you think they are still…”

The younger Winchester took a shaky breath and nodded his head. 

He was just as worried; he wanted to scream, he could feel his hands shaking slightly, he wanted to break down. But he couldn’t. Jack was depending on him, he had to have hope; he had to stay strong; he had to keep his mind clear. He had to keep Jack safe no matter what it took because no matter what Dean said, Jack was family, and family means that they stick together, they have each other’s back; they protect each other.

Family means that nobody gets left behind.

But Charlie had been family too, no matter if she was from another world. So had Bobby and all the other hunters who had disintegrated in front of his eyes, him unable to do anything other than watch. 

Donna had been family, Eileen had been…

He didn’t want to think about it, not now at least. So he pulled his thoughts away from the path they had set up on and focused back on the road, his hands gripping the wheel until his knuckles turned white, flooring the accelerator.

***

“Dean!” his voice echoed against the walls as he ran into the bunker, Jack at his heels. 

“Cas?” the Nephilim called out, “Guys, where are you?”

Sam’s blood turned cold when there was no reply. He was not giving up now. 

They had probably not heard him; they were probably busy with something and couldn’t reply; they were probably…

“I’ll go check the storage, archive room, and all the rooms on that side,” Jack said in a steady voice, “You go check their rooms.”

Sam could just nod in response. Watching the youngest Winchester run off into the library, he slowly made his way towards the entrance of the hallways, his hands trembling.

_ C’mon Sammy, _ the voice inside his head encouraged, as always, sounding just like Dean,  _ Stay composed. You can do this. Deep breaths, one foot in front of the other. _

He did as the voice asked him to do, knowing better than to question his older brother’s instructions. 

Slowing down in front of Cas’ room, he twisted the knob; the door opening with a creak. Nothing but the bare walls greeted him, devoid of anything personal. Not a thing other than a mattress and a bedside table was present.

_ Man, _ Deans’ voice said,  _ We need to show him how to decorate a room. This looks depressing, to say the least. _

Sam agreed, closing the door. Making his way towards Deans’ door, he heard Jack call out for him, sounding alarmed.

Following the voice, he hurried through the bunker. Walking down the stairs, on his way towards the back of the bunker, he noticed a long scratch on the green tiles. He was sure that it had not been there before, but he did not give it a second glance. Taking a right turn, he saw Jack’s shadow coming out of the archived room, too still for it to be natural. Bounding inside, he almost crashed into the young boy who stood just outside the dungeons.

“Dean,” Sam let out a relieved sigh, “We have been trying to call you for the last almost six hours.”

Dean did not move, did not look up, did not reply. He stayed exactly as he was, head buried in his hands, shoulders rising violently with each shaky breath he took.

“Dean?” Sam asked uneasily, stepping inside the room carefully as if he was approaching a scared animal.

“He hasn’t moved since I found him,” Jack said anxiously, staying where he was, “I was too scared to approach so I called you. I thought you would know what to do.”

Sam didn’t. He had never seen Dean this way. Give him a grumpy Dean, he knew what he had to do, give him an angry Dean, he had that in control too. He had known Dean his whole life. He had witnessed all the emotions that Dean went through firsthand, helping him out of each and every one of them as much as he could.

But watching Dean like this, he had no clue where to start. 

So he asked the first question that came to his mind, “Where’s Cas?”

The hunter stiffed, his shoulders freezing as he looked at Sam, finally realizing that he was no longer alone in the room. Sam's’ eyes followed the movement. His gaze landed on the bloody handprint on his elder brother’s shoulder. Sam felt the dread crawl into his bones.

“ _Dean, where’s Cas?_ ” Sam repeated in a hurried tone, making the hunter flinch, his eyes staying on the dried blood. 

Dean looked towards Jack, his lower lip trembling as he held the Nephilim’s gaze, his bloodshot eyes speaking words that Sam could not understand.

“No,” Jack whispered in disbelief, his hand against the shelf as he stumbled a bit, “This can’t be happening.”

“What?” Sam looked at the kid, unable to understand what was happening.

“Cas is…” Jacks’ eyes remained on Dean, while he answered, “He made a deal with the empty.”

“He what?” shocked Sam asked.

“When I was dead, he made a deal to save me. The deal was,” Jack swallowed, “The Empty would come for him when he finally allowed himself to be happy, the Empty would be summoned, and then it would take him.”

“He was never…” Sam trailed off with realization hitting him, “Why did you never tell us?” he asked instead.

“Cas,” the kids’ voice broke as he said the angels’ name. Swallowing a sob, he continued, “He asked me not to. He said that you both already had a lot of stuff going on and he did not want to add to the burden.”

_ This couldn’t be happening,  _ Sam thought,  _ Not Cas too.  _ He looked back at his brother, who had fresh tears streaming down his face. 

Sam didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to say, how to console Dean. 

They lost people all the time. They had lost Mom; they had lost Dad; they had lost Bobby. They had lost Kevin, Charlie and the list just went on and on. Hell, they had even lost Cas before. But never once had Sam seen Dean like this. 

Dean had always been the one Sam could rely on, his strength, his pillar, his older brother. Dean had always been the strong one out of both of them, and to watch him like this, so broken, he was scared. 

He didn’t have the faintest idea where to go from here, how to proceed, how to react. He could hear Jack’s uneven sobs in the background accompanied by a string of ‘this is not happening’ and ‘no’s. 

He was aware that he had to stay calm, that he had to come up with something. Neither Jack nor Dean was able to think straight, and so that’s what he had to do. It would do them no good if all the three of them broke down. 

So Sam pushed his emotions back once again, wiping the stray tear that was making his way down his face. He stood up straight and said, “Get up, Dean.”

Shocked at his statement, Jack stared at him with his eyes wide, “Sam, what are you-”

Cutting the Nephilim off, he repeated, “Get up Dean, we got a world to save.”

The older hunter did not bulge, the only indication that he had heard Sam’s statement was his white knuckles as he tugged on his brown hair.

“I can’t,” Dean replied with a hoarse voice after a long pause.

“What do you mean you can’t, Dean?” Sam hated himself for doing this but there was nothing else he knew how to do, “We got work to do, and you-”

“I said I can’t,” 

“Why can’t you?” The younger brother questioned, “What about-”

“Sam,” Jack begged in a soft voice, “Please stop.”

“No, I can’t,” the man replied harshly, “I can’t stop. I don’t care if he is hurt or is grieving or whatever. We don’t have enough time for him to throw a tantrum.”

“Sammy, please,” Dean said in a broken voice.

“Please what?” Sam was almost screaming now, “It’s not like we haven’t lost people before. We’ve lost Dad, mom, bobby, our friends, family. Yes, we did mourn, but that had never stopped us from doing our job. The people who we care about die all the freaking time! The people I love die all the freaking time!”

“You will-” Jack tried to interrupt again.

“Do you think that I don’t know what you are feeling now?” Sam ignored the boy, “Do you think that you have it worse? Because if you forgot, _I lost Eileen, Dean!_ ”

“ _Well, I lost freaking Cas, Sam!_ ” Dean yelled at him.

“Yeah,” Sam said, “But that’s _different!_ ”

“Yeah, it’s different,” Dean said in an icy tone, hate filling his eyes as he looked at his younger brother, “ _You got to tell her you love her, I didn’t._ ”

Sam froze in his place, his eyes widening with recognition. His breath shortening when he suddenly understood what had happened. He kept looking at Dean as the hunter closed his eyes, whimpering softly, leaning his head behind. 

Sam wanted to apologize, he wanted to say that he didn’t mean it, that he was not thinking. He wanted to take it back, everything he said, but he was unable to. The damage was already done. He felt the regret crashing into him as Dean broke down completely. 

He took a step back as Jack rushed past him, kneeling in front of the hunter. He watched the young boy hesitate a bit before placing a hand on the grieving mans’ shoulder and then around his back, cradling him as he cried into the Nephilim’s tan jacket.

Sam could not stay any longer. The room was rapidly becoming more and more suffocating. He had to leave, he had to get out of here, he had to go.

“I need to leave,” Sam whispered as he ran out of the room, concerned eyes following him.

“ _Sammy_ ,” He heard Dean croak, but he was already gone.

Entering the hallways, he took in a deep breath. He could feel the dam burst and the events of the last two days crash onto him, pulling him down and swallowing him whole. He saw Charlie, he saw Donna, he saw Bobby, he saw Cas, he saw the faces of all the people whom he failed. He saw Eileen smiling at him, correcting his sign language, laughing at his mistake. He saw Eileen looking at him, her eyes full of trust, full of faith, full of love.

_ Collapsing to the cold ground, he finally broke apart. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I personally don't like the ending because the way Sam walked out. it just feels like he didn't accept Dean being in love with Cas and all. But, you all do need to remember that Sam just lost the girl he loves too and right now, he cant actually think about things properly and I'm sure that Sammy accepts Dean and Cas' completely. Not accepting them was something that probably never ever crossed his mind.  
> All he wanted was to leave because he lost everyone and then he comes back home to find out that Cas is.... and then he goes around saying stuff he didn't mean and hurts Dean and Sam just feels like he lost Dean too and well...
> 
> So... I just figured out that I just backed Sam after saying that I didn't like the way he reacted and.... I need sleep
> 
> Now, other than that, I really hope you all like it.  
> And I have decided to start taking prompts so if you have any ideas or stuff, then please drop down below in the comments and tell me about them. You can also find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spacegirlstuff).  
> The continuation of this ff has been posted and you can read it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27490564). Make sure to check it out!!!


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